amal hijazi

I think Iapos;m clinically depressed. �Well, on my lovely drive home. �I�decided that every song on the radio annoyed me; I�shut off the radio.� In silence, I�drove and I�stopped, drove and stopped... Drove and stopped. �Disregarding the fact that I�am happy with people, Iapos;m depressed with myself. �I�donapos;t enjoy music as much as I�did, and that is such a major part of me, not anyone else, but ME. �Well, Iapos;m doing everything as I�said I�would: I got a stable job (when I�want it to be), I�successfully transferred, Iapos;m getting pretty good grades, I refrained from being a failure, �I refrained from throwing myself in social situations where I�felt awkwardly misplaced, I�refrained from surrounding myself around people with personalities/morals/values that I�hate, I�did pretty well on practicing what I�preach..� Well, then why am I�not happy with myself? The high road isnapos;t always the happiest road, Iapos;ve realized. �I gave up the careless, fun, unpredictable lifestyle (obviously not the smartest kind of lifestyle)�to study, work, and consequently live a redundant, monotonous life. I�go to school, I�go to work, I�go to Jimmyapos;s, I�go home, repeat x 4.� Iapos;m not saying Iapos;m not happy with Jimmy, or that it is his fault in any way.� I�just donapos;t feel too happy with myself.� Canapos;t have everything, I�guess.��Maybe this is just temporary, maybe itapos;s the hormones.. Well, honestly.. Maybe. I�seemed a lot happier off than I�was being on the pill.. I�had a lot more energy too.��The pill is destructively deteriorating my energy, my happiness, and evidently my health.�


Iapos;ve never had so many cravings, even when I�was off it.� Iapos;ve become an emotional wreck.� My mood changes frequently.� I�am extremely sensitive. I�am lazy.


I�need to make a decision.
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